Have you ever noticed how the world quietens when it snows? I think this was my first observation about the first snow fall I saw in Switzerland. It as quiet as a tomb. The cars run slower, people walk slower. You see less people around even though every one still manages to get to work on time. The peace and quiet is almost like Delhi during foggy winter nights. But unlike Delhi it does not feel threatening. I do not worry what lies on the next dark corner when I am walking or running early in the morning. I can go running at 4 or 5 in the morning with my podcasts running without any fear of getting hit and mugged here. I think that is an advantage you have for running at the temperature of -5!
But it sure is a pity. Delhi is a beautiful city. It is to me. The city which is the center of politics and power. I have always felt that about the city. The city of "jugaad" and "jack". Where it matters where you live and whom you know. Where it matter in which circle you hang out. Whether you are in the "in crowd". It is dirty and downright disgusting sometimes to see how things run there. But I grew up in that city. I have 18 years of memories of that city. Most good, some bad and some fairly unpleasant. But that is my city. Recently, I have heard some of my friends move to other cities mostly Mumbai and have gushed how much better the city is. How much safer it is and how much more happening that city is. But I still feel that my loyalties lie with Saddi Dilli.
I feel almost the same for Bern now. I have made a lot of memories in Bern in the past three years. All of them different and fun and of a completely different vein than the ones I made in Delhi. I think I have changed as a person here. I hope I have grown to be a better person for me. A more honest person to myself. I think I lie a lot less since I am here as I am responsible for myself and it is much easier to say the truth to oneself than to the rest of the world. My Bern memories are few and far between but they are my memories. I have not shared them with anyone. They are a part of me and someday if someone is lucky enough I might just share those memories with them................ Though some of the memories are indeed shared. I guess that is how it is supposed to be. Bern has been quiet as a tomb or loud as a concert for me. It has been like a brother to me or a mortal enemy. But the city has always been there for me unlike people.
I guess that is one of the main reasons why my loyalties towards the my cities is much stronger than people. Even with Delhi I have memories of late nights with no worry of getting into trouble. Though sadly those memories are not my own. But they exist. I have been lucky in my choice of cities till now and I hope that this will be so in the future too. I think good cities bring out the best in me.
On a more fun note. Have you ever tried running in the snow? Its like running on the beach only much much much much colder! In short super cool...............
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Thursday, 25 November 2010
For Entertainment Only?
I have been following some of the new chat shows and reality shows for some time on the recommendation of my friends here and back home. I will be the first one to admit that I am one of those who dig their womanly claws in crazy on your face shows. But over time, as I see these shows they just don't register anymore. I mean the violence and anger and bad mouthing people. It seems not only pedestrian but also mundane now. This has led me to think about all the violent video games and action/horror movie which show blood and gore to the maximum. We are so well conditioned to all the unpleasantness and death that the suffering in real life just does not register well into our conscience. I wonder why though.
Mother Theresa once said that she cannot see the suffering of the millions of people in the world but of the people she sees around her at an individual level. If that is true about the human nature, it would be sad indeed; as it would mean that every person needs to suffer each kind of tragedy on a personal level to really evoke any emotion in them. That would make the already suffering world truly unbearable.
I think true horror or terror in a situation is when the threat persists. Everyone can fight and counteract the demons one can see and confront. How can one fight that which is invisible? For example you can fight a direct threat or comment, but how do you fight a rumor? That will be one's downfall in time and also one's undoing.
As I said before the allure and disgust registers deepest with the most subtle provocations. Humans are intelligent beings. Even the dumbest one, given the time, follows the same path of metal destruction; if only given a mere hint of threat. Maybe I am alone in thinking that subtle is good. It also allows you to understand the impact of the more severe possibilities in life (both good and bad) in a better relief. But I think the television people think that life is banal and they are exciting. How wrong can one get? I believe that every one has to create their own subtleties and drama in the same time slot.
On a side track I think that is also the problem with our horror industry. They either need to commit to blood and gore or the undying indirect threats. They unfortunately commit to neither! And the commercial breaks...............Nothing kills pain and death and everything scary like an "idea jo badal de zindagi"!!!
Mother Theresa once said that she cannot see the suffering of the millions of people in the world but of the people she sees around her at an individual level. If that is true about the human nature, it would be sad indeed; as it would mean that every person needs to suffer each kind of tragedy on a personal level to really evoke any emotion in them. That would make the already suffering world truly unbearable.
I think true horror or terror in a situation is when the threat persists. Everyone can fight and counteract the demons one can see and confront. How can one fight that which is invisible? For example you can fight a direct threat or comment, but how do you fight a rumor? That will be one's downfall in time and also one's undoing.
As I said before the allure and disgust registers deepest with the most subtle provocations. Humans are intelligent beings. Even the dumbest one, given the time, follows the same path of metal destruction; if only given a mere hint of threat. Maybe I am alone in thinking that subtle is good. It also allows you to understand the impact of the more severe possibilities in life (both good and bad) in a better relief. But I think the television people think that life is banal and they are exciting. How wrong can one get? I believe that every one has to create their own subtleties and drama in the same time slot.
On a side track I think that is also the problem with our horror industry. They either need to commit to blood and gore or the undying indirect threats. They unfortunately commit to neither! And the commercial breaks...............Nothing kills pain and death and everything scary like an "idea jo badal de zindagi"!!!
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
An Inspired Post
I know writing a blog is about expressing what ones feels strongly about or rather what one wants to share with the rest of the world (if there is anyone reading). I just read an entry in one of the many blogs I follow from fellow friends. He wrote something about being discreet about sex and how sex gave him a thread to connect to God (his God). It was funny that when I was reading the post , I just kept thinking of orgasms. More specifically women orgasms or a lack thereof.
Not many of us them talk about "that thing" very often but whenever we do I noticed how many of us just skip on the details. As if it either never happened or they just don't think it was important. They would moan about the kisses and flowers and wines and all the other paraphernalia for hours and hours. But when it comes to the actual act of copulation, if you will, they are uncharacteristically shy about it. Why is that? Is it because they are embarrassed? I think not, otherwise they will not be so vocal about the kissing and eagerness for the 'event' (for want to a better word). Or is it because they do not know what is good quality 'event' and simply gloss over it to save face?
What I fell is that a few of us do not know what an orgasm feels like. Quite a few of us know what it is, but have them few and far between to count for any significant statistics. They are like orgasm virgins (no pun intended). Have they never masturbated? Its not something unheard of and it is not like it is wrong or unhealthy despite what people will tell you.
Maybe I am holding the wrong end of the stick. Maybe either men do not know or do not care about their women having fun. Either situation is very serious and should be remedied. If they don't know; please women, tell them. They are not trained in these things most of the time. You have to tell them what you want. It means you care and also once you start having fun it will be even more pleasurable for the guy. Its like a job well done. If it is the latter then dump him. He is not worth the effort, time and emotions. I really wish the women I know shed their blanket of embarrassment and just get on with it. They are amazing individuals, their openness will only add to their lure and not diminish it. One does not need to be brazen about it. There is romance in subtlety. (More on subtlety later)
Attachment of any kind should be nurturing, whether passionate or emotional. They can be a vent for the unexpressed emotions in a crazy night of lust or it can be the mode of waking up of feelings long dead. They should help you live better. They should change something at a hormonal level, emotional level or even spiritual level (if you are into that) about you. It should make you better. It can be applied to any and every relationship in one's life. Friends, family, lover, soulmate. Anyone and everyone should make you someone better for you. If not then it is not worth doing or being in. I do not believe in a higher purpose (till i turn 40) in life. I think no one in this world should stand other person's shit to make that person better for the society. It is one's own job and not yours.
I am going on a tangent now. But As I said women need to have more frequent orgasms. They should have as much fun tumbling in the bed as the men they tumble with as everyone has a right to happiness and good sex!
Not many of us them talk about "that thing" very often but whenever we do I noticed how many of us just skip on the details. As if it either never happened or they just don't think it was important. They would moan about the kisses and flowers and wines and all the other paraphernalia for hours and hours. But when it comes to the actual act of copulation, if you will, they are uncharacteristically shy about it. Why is that? Is it because they are embarrassed? I think not, otherwise they will not be so vocal about the kissing and eagerness for the 'event' (for want to a better word). Or is it because they do not know what is good quality 'event' and simply gloss over it to save face?
What I fell is that a few of us do not know what an orgasm feels like. Quite a few of us know what it is, but have them few and far between to count for any significant statistics. They are like orgasm virgins (no pun intended). Have they never masturbated? Its not something unheard of and it is not like it is wrong or unhealthy despite what people will tell you.
Maybe I am holding the wrong end of the stick. Maybe either men do not know or do not care about their women having fun. Either situation is very serious and should be remedied. If they don't know; please women, tell them. They are not trained in these things most of the time. You have to tell them what you want. It means you care and also once you start having fun it will be even more pleasurable for the guy. Its like a job well done. If it is the latter then dump him. He is not worth the effort, time and emotions. I really wish the women I know shed their blanket of embarrassment and just get on with it. They are amazing individuals, their openness will only add to their lure and not diminish it. One does not need to be brazen about it. There is romance in subtlety. (More on subtlety later)
Attachment of any kind should be nurturing, whether passionate or emotional. They can be a vent for the unexpressed emotions in a crazy night of lust or it can be the mode of waking up of feelings long dead. They should help you live better. They should change something at a hormonal level, emotional level or even spiritual level (if you are into that) about you. It should make you better. It can be applied to any and every relationship in one's life. Friends, family, lover, soulmate. Anyone and everyone should make you someone better for you. If not then it is not worth doing or being in. I do not believe in a higher purpose (till i turn 40) in life. I think no one in this world should stand other person's shit to make that person better for the society. It is one's own job and not yours.
I am going on a tangent now. But As I said women need to have more frequent orgasms. They should have as much fun tumbling in the bed as the men they tumble with as everyone has a right to happiness and good sex!
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Gulmohar Tree
The Gulmohar tree is one of the oldest trees in my memories. We call it "krishnochura" in Bengali if my memory severs me correct. My earliest memories are of my school where we would eagerly wait for the tree to blossom. The red flowers look spectacular and they mark the onset of the most pleasant time of the year......
The buds were of special interest to us kids. We would pull apart the buds and use the anthers to fight. Quite childish, but in a girl's school where physical fights were not that plenty, it was one of the unadulterated fun to have during classes. Especially after lunch time. When the social studies teacher would drone about how big is Punjab and how many rivers are there in the south of India.
I was never more than an "above average" student in school and could "always do better" according to everyone I knew. It was therefore very surprising to end up with the cream of the class (academically) in college. Still cannot believe my luck. I would have to hand it to my dad to choose a subject few take up and therefore was easy to navigate through with a decent score and be there among the top of the class.
Here too the Gulmohar tree refused to leave me. It haunted me in a not so scary sort of way, especially towards the end of the year. Being a part of a B.Sc. course, we would always end up in the college campus when everyone was gone. We did have a sports section which went on post college hours but they never bothered with the boring red bricked courtyard. Which was good as the peace and solitude of the place was rarely disturbed but by faraway cries of "out" or "score". Those afternoons I would sit under the shade of a Gulmohar tree waiting for the photocopier to finish copying some things for me. And as I would sit there and watch the winter sun streaming through the branches of the Gulmohar tree I would think of the passing of time, the coming of exams, the dread it would fill me with and also the memories of unclaimed moments. They would give me a Deja-Vu feeling of having been here and done this a million times in the era's gone by. Of sitting under a Gulmohar tree and waiting. The time passing me by but at that moment nothing else mattered as much as the wait. The wait for the wait to be over? Or the wait of something else to wait for? I guess one would never know. But sitting here in Bern under the sunlight, strained from a ginko tree with bright yellow leaves I am reminded of my Gulmohar tree and all those moments spent waiting under it.
The buds were of special interest to us kids. We would pull apart the buds and use the anthers to fight. Quite childish, but in a girl's school where physical fights were not that plenty, it was one of the unadulterated fun to have during classes. Especially after lunch time. When the social studies teacher would drone about how big is Punjab and how many rivers are there in the south of India.
I was never more than an "above average" student in school and could "always do better" according to everyone I knew. It was therefore very surprising to end up with the cream of the class (academically) in college. Still cannot believe my luck. I would have to hand it to my dad to choose a subject few take up and therefore was easy to navigate through with a decent score and be there among the top of the class.
Here too the Gulmohar tree refused to leave me. It haunted me in a not so scary sort of way, especially towards the end of the year. Being a part of a B.Sc. course, we would always end up in the college campus when everyone was gone. We did have a sports section which went on post college hours but they never bothered with the boring red bricked courtyard. Which was good as the peace and solitude of the place was rarely disturbed but by faraway cries of "out" or "score". Those afternoons I would sit under the shade of a Gulmohar tree waiting for the photocopier to finish copying some things for me. And as I would sit there and watch the winter sun streaming through the branches of the Gulmohar tree I would think of the passing of time, the coming of exams, the dread it would fill me with and also the memories of unclaimed moments. They would give me a Deja-Vu feeling of having been here and done this a million times in the era's gone by. Of sitting under a Gulmohar tree and waiting. The time passing me by but at that moment nothing else mattered as much as the wait. The wait for the wait to be over? Or the wait of something else to wait for? I guess one would never know. But sitting here in Bern under the sunlight, strained from a ginko tree with bright yellow leaves I am reminded of my Gulmohar tree and all those moments spent waiting under it.
Friday, 9 July 2010
Obsession
I admit it. I am a big fan of No Reservations hosted by Anthony Bourdain. I watch it online whenever I can catch hold of any episodes. He is my inspiration for writing this blog. Truth be told I got the idea of this blog from his show itself.
As can be expected from me my biggest obsession is food. That is one of the reasons I can relate to him eating pills to be able to eat his favorite food ----- the one, the only PORK..... Pig in any form makes Mr. Bourdain salivate in the most disgusting ways. He eats it all. Skin to the rectum (yeah I know). But I have to give credit where it is due. The meat must taste good. Not that I a devout Hindu (guffaw) would know anything about that (Big sarcastic Hey Bhagwaan here!!).... But my reason to talk about his love for the meat is to emphasize the unabashed love, passion and affection he has for his particular choice of food.
So I would like to profess my love for food. Not just one food group. Being a Hindu has taught me to be very inclusive towards everything........ including all kind of food sources. I think the biggest culprit in this digression are the months empty of House, Law and Order, The big bang, CSI and all the other sitcoms which I forget. What do you watch when do not have a steady source of gibberish to watch? You look for other gibberish. So you embark on a youtube trip and search for "interesting" videos to watch. But I could have watched anything from Britney meltdown (that must be old) to Konkona and Ranvir breakup (is it official?). But in my defense, being away from home gives you bigger opportunities to eat non-indian cuisine. So you look for how it is made and so you search for videos and then youtube people suggest more videos and the chain goes on. You see where I am going with this? Yes in the end it is a downward spiral to looking one meal being cooked in different ways or the same way by different people. As someone up there (I think he/she is commonly referred to as GOD) did do the mistake of giving me brains, however minuscule it might be; I am bound to use multiple methods in the same process and get the thing working best for me.
The situation right now is so dreadful that I have started maintaining a book for writing down the recipes I learn and try....... Yes....... I kid you not!! I dream about food more often than I would like to. I mean why can't I dream about boys like normal girls or work like demented researchers?? Why oh why?
My brother is going to be here next week for 10 days along with my sister in law and I have already planned the first 8 meals they will eat.... OK I lied, I planned the first 15 meals. And it gets interesting from here. My sister in law is a vegetarians and my brother is not. You get the picture. I am considering to readjust my career path and become a chef. I need help.............. But not really. I like to cook and love to cook for people I care for. So I would not like to give it up for anything.... (maybe a Nobel?) It is a great way to tell people 'I love you' and that is the best thing about it.
So I am a self confessed foodie. I love food in all shapes and forms as long as it is edible and the best gift I can get a freshly cooked meal from anyone in the world.............. and I want it for free!!
As can be expected from me my biggest obsession is food. That is one of the reasons I can relate to him eating pills to be able to eat his favorite food ----- the one, the only PORK..... Pig in any form makes Mr. Bourdain salivate in the most disgusting ways. He eats it all. Skin to the rectum (yeah I know). But I have to give credit where it is due. The meat must taste good. Not that I a devout Hindu (guffaw) would know anything about that (Big sarcastic Hey Bhagwaan here!!).... But my reason to talk about his love for the meat is to emphasize the unabashed love, passion and affection he has for his particular choice of food.
So I would like to profess my love for food. Not just one food group. Being a Hindu has taught me to be very inclusive towards everything........ including all kind of food sources. I think the biggest culprit in this digression are the months empty of House, Law and Order, The big bang, CSI and all the other sitcoms which I forget. What do you watch when do not have a steady source of gibberish to watch? You look for other gibberish. So you embark on a youtube trip and search for "interesting" videos to watch. But I could have watched anything from Britney meltdown (that must be old) to Konkona and Ranvir breakup (is it official?). But in my defense, being away from home gives you bigger opportunities to eat non-indian cuisine. So you look for how it is made and so you search for videos and then youtube people suggest more videos and the chain goes on. You see where I am going with this? Yes in the end it is a downward spiral to looking one meal being cooked in different ways or the same way by different people. As someone up there (I think he/she is commonly referred to as GOD) did do the mistake of giving me brains, however minuscule it might be; I am bound to use multiple methods in the same process and get the thing working best for me.
The situation right now is so dreadful that I have started maintaining a book for writing down the recipes I learn and try....... Yes....... I kid you not!! I dream about food more often than I would like to. I mean why can't I dream about boys like normal girls or work like demented researchers?? Why oh why?
My brother is going to be here next week for 10 days along with my sister in law and I have already planned the first 8 meals they will eat.... OK I lied, I planned the first 15 meals. And it gets interesting from here. My sister in law is a vegetarians and my brother is not. You get the picture. I am considering to readjust my career path and become a chef. I need help.............. But not really. I like to cook and love to cook for people I care for. So I would not like to give it up for anything.... (maybe a Nobel?) It is a great way to tell people 'I love you' and that is the best thing about it.
So I am a self confessed foodie. I love food in all shapes and forms as long as it is edible and the best gift I can get a freshly cooked meal from anyone in the world.............. and I want it for free!!
The Secret
After 6 years of unsuccessful struggling with the workings of multiple human minds to bring about harmony at any part of my infinitely small existence I have the secret. Never take work seriously. No seriously.... Just hear me out.
So this is my theory (Stolen from someone close but I think they wouldn't mind!!). I figured if you don't take work personally you handle the setbacks and stupid people egos very very easily. One of my elders said that I should never let my professional ethics and behavior get affected. Even if it means having no friends at work. I realized it was one of the most sound advises he would ever give for the rest of my work life in his lab (yeah yeah my boss).
Best part is when you stop taking work personally you have a distance from that part of your life. It helps you think a lot clearly in everything concerning work. Even my experiments which nowadays don't seem to work that well are much better planned. Now I don't dispute the fact that one year might have taught me a lot but now I see that and would like to work on it.
But more importantly now I just don't get affected by what people say. I listen to all kinds of criticism towards my work and working habits from the "seniors" but the moment I think they have started to sound ridiculous I just nod my head and pretend to listen. The end result is that people are much calmer next time I talk to them and its much easier to get back to them and ask them again the same thing and get a much saner answer.
Now I am not saying this always works. Sometimes the feeling of ill-will is so deep that one show-down does not seem to change much for the entire equation of the being. But sometimes its just ridiculously funny. I think I will put these stories in the blog once I am out of here. I mean with all due respect to the people I work with, but sometimes they are just such asses. The tragedy is some of them know this and sometimes also acknowledge it in one of the frank conversations (which are few and far apart) I have had. But consider almost everything as a pride issue. I mean why? Isn't research all about learning something new.............. about everything.
Please do not consider the above as gibberish... I have tried and tested this and see this to be a very effective way to deal with polarity and politics in the lab. Its not fun to be in the middle of these stalwarts. They are in their work and research in the past. Its very humbling to work with these guys, being the youngest (research-wise) between these people is a great learning experience. But a little less pride and aggression will take them a lot farther. But then again the way we have to work in most of the research world makes one like that. I guess "publish or perish" makes you take work personally.
I have decided that I would work in research as long as I don't become a person like them. I would much rather be a mediocre researcher with real weekends rather than one of those whose entire world will come crashing down if their work goes the wrong way.... I have seen them and its not a pretty sight. Seriously guys take it easy.. The only person you compete with is your own ambition. Don't let work be your only identity.
What say?
So this is my theory (Stolen from someone close but I think they wouldn't mind!!). I figured if you don't take work personally you handle the setbacks and stupid people egos very very easily. One of my elders said that I should never let my professional ethics and behavior get affected. Even if it means having no friends at work. I realized it was one of the most sound advises he would ever give for the rest of my work life in his lab (yeah yeah my boss).
Best part is when you stop taking work personally you have a distance from that part of your life. It helps you think a lot clearly in everything concerning work. Even my experiments which nowadays don't seem to work that well are much better planned. Now I don't dispute the fact that one year might have taught me a lot but now I see that and would like to work on it.
But more importantly now I just don't get affected by what people say. I listen to all kinds of criticism towards my work and working habits from the "seniors" but the moment I think they have started to sound ridiculous I just nod my head and pretend to listen. The end result is that people are much calmer next time I talk to them and its much easier to get back to them and ask them again the same thing and get a much saner answer.
Now I am not saying this always works. Sometimes the feeling of ill-will is so deep that one show-down does not seem to change much for the entire equation of the being. But sometimes its just ridiculously funny. I think I will put these stories in the blog once I am out of here. I mean with all due respect to the people I work with, but sometimes they are just such asses. The tragedy is some of them know this and sometimes also acknowledge it in one of the frank conversations (which are few and far apart) I have had. But consider almost everything as a pride issue. I mean why? Isn't research all about learning something new.............. about everything.
Please do not consider the above as gibberish... I have tried and tested this and see this to be a very effective way to deal with polarity and politics in the lab. Its not fun to be in the middle of these stalwarts. They are in their work and research in the past. Its very humbling to work with these guys, being the youngest (research-wise) between these people is a great learning experience. But a little less pride and aggression will take them a lot farther. But then again the way we have to work in most of the research world makes one like that. I guess "publish or perish" makes you take work personally.
I have decided that I would work in research as long as I don't become a person like them. I would much rather be a mediocre researcher with real weekends rather than one of those whose entire world will come crashing down if their work goes the wrong way.... I have seen them and its not a pretty sight. Seriously guys take it easy.. The only person you compete with is your own ambition. Don't let work be your only identity.
What say?
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